Greetings, citizens of Super Earth! Welcome to another exciting weekly report in Helldivers 2, where we touch upon all things Helldivers. This week, we look back at some of the biggest news stories that broke within our political community, including spotlighting a hero, updating our favorite planet, and putting a name to the biggest threat to democracy. Here’s your weekly Helldivers 2 report.
In some heartfelt local Super Earth news, a Helldiver recently returned from the war to visit their hometown. Upon arrival, the Helldiver, who bears a Dolphin marking on their uniform, heard cries of a stranded cat stuck in a tree. Residents quickly flocked to the cat’s aid, though given the height the cat was stuck at and the life-threatening risks that accompanied it, they were frozen with fear.
That was until the Helldiver stepped in, showing an act of courage and bravery that not only saved one life that day but inspired many others to join in on the war efforts, potentially saving millions in the process.
Recruitment is up 10,000% after this valiant act of bravery. The Helldiver will be awarded the highest level of honor before being shipped back to Malevelon Creek in our growing efforts to reclaim the planet from the Automatons.
A word from our Super Earth leader urges veteran Helldivers to be kind to the recruits and to show them the ropes. Like our local Helldiver leader, lead by example, and maybe one day you’ll thank that recruit for saving your life.
The Intelligence Community of Super Earth revealed that after years of investigation, they’ve finally decided who may be behind the galactic curtain. For decades, Super Earth has been at war with numerous factions, and though we’ve known what the threat looks like, we’ve never known who exactly orchestrated these attacks.
That all changed this past week when hard evidence was presented before the committee, resulting in a breakthrough and confirmation of the sole being pulling the strings behind the scenes. Prepare yourselves, as it’s a name you’ll quickly grow to hate, as this unknown entity goes simply by Joel.
As one might have expected, that name has quickly spread across the globe, as has Super Earth’s intricate communication network. This has had some dire results, as a manhunt has begun to search for this individual, with arrests arising for individuals named Joel.
While it’s true that a traitor could be in our midst, it’s important to remember that the enemy will do and say anything, as we as a society must remain strong in the face of uncertainty.
I am coming to you live yet again from the battlefield of Malevelon Creek. Since we last spoke, the Automatons had begun their invasion, murdering and enslaving residents of the planet, who I must point out were fellow Super Earthians. Thankfully, the calls have been heard, with the Helldivers swiftly deployed to the planet. However, though the Helldivers have been holding and reclaiming bits of the planet, the Automatons have proved formidable foes, with countless lives lost.
A battalion of Helldivers, led by a recently promoted commander who wore a dolphin marking on their suit, was dispatched recently and seen taking on one of the Automatons’ camps. However, we have not seen or heard from the battalion since, including its commander, outside of reports of a loud explosion, the sky lighting up, and a mushroom cloud appearing near where the battalion was heading.
Those who have managed to come back are being treated for extensive injuries, though some aren’t as lucky as the psychological toll has proven to be much.
Though with more efforts now being put into capturing Malevelon Creek, many other planets have started to see a pushback, with ground slowly being lost to the enemies. We’ve made progress on Malevelon Creek, but it has come at the cost of opening ourselves to threats on other planets.
Thankfully, recruitment recently soared by 1000% thanks to a local hero from Super Earth who saved a cat in need. Will it be enough? We’ll have our full report next week, but things are already starting to look bright.
Helldivers 2 Weekly Report is a new series set to bring a narrative take to the Helldivers universe, blending in-game events with real-world news around the game, in a satire propaganda take. Every week, we’ll report and summarize the biggest news stories in the form suited for residence of Super Earth.
