Why you should talk about fertility, even if you don’t want children – and what you should discuss
Women (and men) are having their first child at older ages. As a result, couples are sometimes unable to conceive or require medical intervention in their pursuit of parenthood. Others may face a fertility gap between the number of children they anticipate having and those they actually have.
Despite these issues, conversations about fertility and childbearing remain taboo. I have found that women in particular feel uncomfortable bringing it up in new relationships, fearing that discussing a desire for motherhood may put off potential romantic partners or make them appear desperate for a baby.
Many factors are leading women and couples to delay having children. Women are participating more in the labor force, there are more reliable forms of contraception available, and it’s more accepted to have multiple relationships before getting married or having a child.
No matter your situation – single, coupled-up, or childfree by choice – you might benefit from talking earlier and more often about your plans.
If you want to have a child in the future, but not yet, technology like egg or embryo freezing may offer the opportunity to preserve reproductive material for future use. Egg freezing sees women undergo the same ovarian stimulation and retrieval process as IVF patients. A number of her eggs are then frozen and stored for future use. The law change in 2021 means women in England and Wales can now freeze their eggs for up to 55 years, making this a more viable form of fertility extension. Embryo freezing, where eggs are fertilized and stored for later use, offers a greater chance of a live birth and can be achieved as part of a relationship, or with donor sperm.
For those who are unsure about having children and are getting older, fertility monitoring can provide some insights into reproductive health for both women and men. Fertility MOTs can reveal sperm quantity and motility, give an indication of ovarian reserve, and help identify factors that could inhibit conception. However, they cannot reliably calculate how many fertile years a woman has or provide detailed quantitative insights into a woman’s ovarian reserve. These tests can be costly, with clinics charging in excess of £500.
Even if you don’t want children now, what if you change your mind in the future? Technology has created more opportunities for people to have children later in life, but egg freezing and fertility monitoring have financial, physical, and emotional costs, and they are not a guarantee.
Talking more openly about fertility and the choice to have children or not can help break the stigma around these topics. The conversations you have now may help you, and future generations, make more informed decisions about their reproductive choices.
It’s time to have these discussions about fertility, even if you don’t currently want children. By opening up the dialogue, we can better navigate the complexities of parenthood, age-related fertility decline, and relationship dynamics. Whether you’re single, in a relationship, or childfree by choice, engaging in these conversations can bring clarity, preparedness, and support for the future.
Please note: This news article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice.
