Who says you can’t have children and travel solo too? Independent travel can be healthy for your family unit, writes Erika Ebsworth-Goold
Being a mum is one of the hardest jobs out there. Raising my child has been the honour of my life, however, motherhood is often an all-consuming role. You can easily lose yourself caring for little people, and when you’re in the thick of it, carving out something of your own can be challenging.
For me, that something is travel. When I venture out by myself, I sometimes get an arched-eyebrow response as I explain my husband and son are back at home. Despite the pushback, I find solo travel helps me be a far better mum. Here are my reasons why.
Independent travel is a tremendous antidote for self-doubt. Each time I get out there, I prove to myself I’m capable, curious and easily able to connect with other people. It’s a brilliant self-stretch that helps me grow, and I’m not the only one who feels that way.
A recent global survey of 5000 women found 78 per cent of respondents seek to challenge themselves during solo travel, and 64 per cent seek for self-improvement during their journeys.
You have the freedom to explore new places, try new things, and step out of your comfort zone, said Mary Lawrence, a California-based licensed clinical social worker and therapist. This can lead to a deeper understanding of yourself and your capabilities. It’s a chance to reconnect with yourself and rediscover your identity beyond being just a mum.
Most mums will tell you keeping a family’s calendar is exhausting; the mental load of household management takes its toll. Tracking everyone’s activities, arranging transportation to and from lessons, practices and games, plus planning meals, booking appointments and anticipating scheduling snags is incredibly stressful.
When I travel solo, the only person I decide for is me: what I want to see, where I want to go, when I wake up, when I go to bed. This is an absolute luxury for any mother, who usually coordinates everyone else’s timetables.
Making my own decisions during a trip frees up my brain’s bandwidth, helping me be a more effective family strategic planner once I return home.
I love getting to know a destination through its art, cuisine and people. While these sorts of itinerary choices don’t always appeal to my child, they are incredibly important to me. They also resonate with Meg Jerrard, a fellow mum and co-founder of the organization Solo Female Travelers.
When I travel solo, I feel alive, she explained. I’m seeing the world in living color instead of settling for the TV. I’m tasting local food in the land where the ingredients are grown, meeting fascinating, incredible people, and this is what fills my cup.
The ability to experience my passion for culture and adventure on my terms is a gift for which I am eternally grateful. It’s fulfilling and makes me a whole, happier person. That, in turn, helps me be a cooler, calmer mum.
Breaking free from household routines during solo travel is both renewing and rejuvenating. The result: I feel lighter and more agile, so when I get home I have more patience and am better equipped to handle the inevitable day-to-day grind of mum life.
We need to address the stigma of mothers taking time for themselves, and in this specific case, choosing to spend this time by traveling alone, said Jerrard. Your kids might want you 24/7, and it might feel heartbreaking to leave them behind or alone. But they will survive. And they’ll be better for it in the long run, having a mother whose cup is full, and can care for them and raise them, being fully recharged.
While I occasionally catch a bit of judgment when I travel alone, I’m fortunate to have a husband and son who understand I need an occasional reset. We all do!
Finally, while my solo journeys give me personal fulfillment and feed my soul, there are tangible benefits for my son, too. For starters, they serve as a conversation sparker: we talk about what I’ve seen, done and experienced in our time apart. My 17-year-old learns self-reliance as he manages his time while I’m away. And perhaps most importantly, my travels show him I’m my own person, not just his mum.
Children can witness their mums taking time for themselves and growing through solo adventures, and it can teach them something pretty significant: that setting boundaries and taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of others, said Julia Prouse, an Auckland-based psychotherapist. It serves as a positive example for children, illustrating the value of self-care and pursuing one’s passions, showing them that it’s acceptable and beneficial to prioritize individual needs alongside family responsibilities.
