AUSTIN, TX — According to a study released by the US Department of Transportation, approximately 90% of auto collisions within the United States are connected to drivers trying to take pictures of Tesla Cybertrucks.
Preliminary research indicates that men tend to take pictures of the boxy, futuristic, wildly cool electronic trucks in order to post them to Instagram and gloat over how good they look with their buddies, while women tend to take pictures of the ugly, kindergarten-designed monstrosities in order to cry over them with their besties. Crash rates for drivers trying to take pictures and selfies with the e-vehicles are slightly biased towards women.
They’re just SO COOL – I’m pretty sure it’s mandatory to try to take a picture of every Cybertruck you pass, said motorist Robert Jordan while attempting to drive and snap a photo of a really fire Cybertruck as his wife shook her head vehemently in the background. It’s like the future…just look at it!
Look at it, Carol! It’s amazing! Just like Blade Runner!
The Jordans were unavailable for further comment, as Robert had rear-ended the Toyota Prius in front of him and had to stop to argue with its purple-haired driver. The driver of the Cybertruck was also unavailable for comment, but he seemed to be wearing totally rad aviator sunglasses and is probably a super chill guy.
At publishing time, the Department of Transportation had confirmed that Cybertruck paparazzi do, in fact, present an even larger driving hazard than your mom and your wife.
We asked Trump to narrate 7 more famous historic battles, and the result was tremendous and magnificent. Everyone says so.
